Kedah

Today received msgs saying that my application nak ke Kedah anytime approve cuma i need to give my confirmation sahaja.Emm kalau ikut hati mau lari jauh jauh bawak hati ni and mend it..tapi ntahlah i cant say that i want it that way.

Ntah macam macam bermain dalam fikiran ni..masalah kewangan etc semua tu i think i can manage it.Biarlah tak makan berhari hari asal hati ni tak jeruk rasa tak sakit hati tak makan hati.But..ntahlah banyak ai nak kongsi tapi i cant.Kalau ikut rasa mmg banyak benda ai boleh tulis but i have to limit it.

Sumpah saat dan ketika ni jangan lah tanya perasaan ai pada dia sbb hampir layu..ntah akan kembang ntahkan tidak.Pada dasar saya masih isteri tapi pada hakikat saya rasa saya bukan lagi dalam hati dan perasaan dia.

Hampir setiap malam airmata ni mengalir..hampir seluruh malam ai tak dapat tidur.

Kalau rasionalnya mmg ai nak kesana so that i wont think about anything.Not even him or my own family.Entahlah rasanya sekarang ai banyak berdiam diri and there wont be another story of my side to either him or my family.Biarlah ai simpan.,simpan kemas kemas.Mungkin itu yang dia nak ..emmm..orang cakap ai tabah means i can work and at the same time i have so many things that i need to think about.Tak saya tak tabah..saya cuma menahan diri..kalaulah i know from beginning akan begini ..emmmmm...

anyway i did apply untuk sambung belajar jugak.kalau i did not go to Kedah ai will give my full concentration to my study..itu jerlah buat penenang diri...mmmmm